Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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