she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
