quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
