How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize