I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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