Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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