Are we in a gay sports bar?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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