Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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