Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
