its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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