this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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