I wish I only lived at night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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