your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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