Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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