I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize