I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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