You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
