i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
