I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
