We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
