we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
