I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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