accomplished twins. life is a go
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
