So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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