I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I AM VODKA MAN
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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