My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize