i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
