I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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