a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
