I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When did we convert life to cartoon?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
