i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
