Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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