Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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