i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize