How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
