Non-Jews are for practice
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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