I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
