youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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