I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize