cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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