i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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