We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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