Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize