Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
