i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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