Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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