Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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