We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
