i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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