i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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