my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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