At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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