New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I could fuck to npr.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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