SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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