1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
