if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Me too!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to sanitize my soul.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize