We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize