im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
