me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
