They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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