Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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