This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
