Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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