I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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