Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
