My liver just broke up with me...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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