If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
