I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
