your thong is hanging out like whoa
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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