Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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