you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
