From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
