I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
