I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize