Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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