Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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