oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
