everyone is single if you try hard enough
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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