you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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