So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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