Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
