Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Drunk is a universal language darling
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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