im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
