I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize