there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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