Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
