If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
