saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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