I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize