I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
