When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
