They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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