if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize