Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
