bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
