ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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