Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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