Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
