i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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