you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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