You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
