Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
