The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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