You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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